Child of Contradictions
by Heleentje
Summary: It's hard, living according to two conflicting laws. Because one day, inevitably, those two laws will clash and crush anyone caught between them. Antinomy character study.


Sometimes characters can really take over your mind... Bruno is one of those characters. As a warning, this fic contains MAJOR spoilers up until episode 145 of Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's. If you don't wish to be spoiled, nows the time to click the backbutton.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's or any of the Vienna Teng songs quoted here.

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**Child of Contradictions**

**I. But I've all kinds of time**

"Mom, look!" Bruno ran over to his mother and tugged at her sleeve, "C'mon, come look!"

"What is it?" His mother got up obediently and followed him. She crouched down and Bruno pointed enthusiastically at a large, red insect sitting at the edge of the small creek.

"What is that?"

His mother smiled. "That's a dragonfly."

"Dragonfly…" Bruno bent lower to get a closer look, but just then the insect flew up with a loud buzzing sound, and Bruno jerked back and watched in awe as it started flying low over the water, searching for prey. "Is it really fast?"

"It's really fast," his mother confirmed.

Bruno looked at the frantically beating wings, transfixed. "Do you think I can be that fast?"

"You'll have to grow wings first!" His mother poked him in the back and Bruno wrenched away, pouting.

"I can't do that! Humans don't have wings," he said, earlier happiness disappearing. "I want to be like that."

The dragonfly was still zooming across the water. Bruno tried to reach out to it but his mother stopped him.

"Do you know that they're also really brave?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. If that dragonfly thought you were going to hurt it, it would bite you," his mother snapped her fingers, "just like that. Even though you're a really big human and it's just a little dragonfly."

"Oh," Bruno said, nodding thoughtfully. "That's really brave…"

His face cleared up. "I'm gonna be like that! If there's ever a really big monster I'm going to bite it and save lots and lots of people!"

"That's good. But you have to promise me that you'll save yourself first," his mother said, looking serious all of a sudden. Bruno didn't really know what to do with a sudden shift like that.

"Of course!" he promised, just so his mother would look happy again. He didn't like it when she was sad.

"Alright then," his mother said, and smiled when he took off after the dragonfly again. "And don't fall into the water!"

**OoOoO**

**II. Ambitions like ribbons worn bright**

He started calling himself Antinomy when he entered the Pro Leagues, because his managers told him to and because he liked the sound of it, and after a while it became his second identity. Antinomy was what the public knew him as, and only his family and a few close friends still called him Bruno. He preferred it this way. It kept his private life away from the media and gave him the peace he sometimes so desperately needed.

He'd never even suspected to get this far. He'd hoped, of course, but when he'd first started building his deck –a machine deck, including an odd new archetype called Tech Genus- he hadn't expected to be able to hold his own. Yet somehow he won and kept winning. It all seemed surreal sometimes.

"If you could duel any duelist who ever lived, who would you choose?" The reporter looked vaguely bored, and Antinomy couldn't blame him. He'd probably had to ask the same question to every duelist he'd ever interviewed.

"I think most people would go for Mutou Yugi or Kaiba Seto or so," he said. "But the one person I'd really love to duel is Fudou Yusei."

The reporter shifted a bit, still looking bored. Fudou Yusei wasn't an unusual choice either. "I believe you were a teenager when Fudou Yusei became famous. Would you say he inspired you to start dueling?"

Antinomy nodded. "Definitely. He inspired many people my age, and I'd love to be able to face him in a duel one day."

The reporter asked a few more generic questions before ending the interview, but the thought of Fudou Yusei didn't leave Antinomy's mind for the rest of the day. It had been several years since the duelist had retired, and no one really knew where he'd gone after that. There were rumors, of course (hidden in the city, traveling around the world, _dead_), but almost no one knew for sure, and the people who did weren't telling.

He'd left a legacy, though. Many duelists had started using syncro monsters, Antinomy among them, and at the same time new developments to the Momentum Reactor had made the city more prosperous than ever before. Neo Domino City was beautiful, and Antinomy couldn't think of a better place to live in.

"It all seems too good to be true, though," a friend of him confided one day. They were sitting in a café a little outside the city center. Antinomy had chosen a simple outfit to wear, and so far it had prevented him from being recognized.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know," his friend sighed. "I think I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Don't you ever worry?"

Antinomy took a drink from his glass to cover up his confusion. Worry? Why should they worry?

"Everything seems fine, doesn't it?" he said after a while.

"I suppose…" his friend looked out of the window, and Antinomy did the same. "Well, you shouldn't worry about it. You've got duels to win!"

"Not so loud," Antinomy hissed, but he laughed anyway. "Come on, let's get out of here. You're making me depressed."

"As if you have anything to be depressed about," his friend said, taking out his wallet. Antinomy did the same. "You just think about trap cards or whatever it is you do, and you'll be fine."

"If you say so." Antinomy smiled when they left the café. It was late autumn and the weather was getting chilly, but it was still a beautiful day in a beautiful city, and nothing could change that.

**OoOoO**

**III. The borderlines we drew between us**

Hiding from the Machine Emperors was a morbid game, a game you had no choice but to play, yet had no chance of ever winning. Neo Domino City had fallen, and those few who were still alive desperately looked for a way to flee. Antinomy thought it was rather pointless. He'd heard some of the final transmissions, heard how the Machine Emperors spread across the country, then crossed the seas and descended on the entire world. There was no safe haven anymore. Whatever had caused Momentum to go haywire, it had brought on the end of the world.

Many of the buildings had already collapsed, and many more were on the verge of collapsing. It made hiding into something of a gamble. Choosing the wrong place could mean being buried alive, yet staying in the open meant certain death. In a place where every step could be your last, every building became a place to hide.

Every building but one, that was.

There was one building that ZONE refused to go near. It was a one-story building, abandoned like every other building in the city but still looking quite sturdy, so Antinomy couldn't understand why. What made it so different from any other building?

"Don't go there," ZONE said when he asked. "It's not a place you want to go to."

"But what happened?" Antinomy insisted. ZONE only shook his head.

"The same thing that happened everywhere else. Forget about it."

But curiosity killed the cat, and Antinomy had always fancied himself a cat person. A supply run only a few weeks later led him right past the abandoned building. It couldn't hurt to look, could it?

Famous last words,the cynical part of his brain supplied, but by then Antinomy had already gone inside. The damage was clear: shattered windows, broken wood piled up in a corner, and a fallen closet that looked too heavy to move. And yet…

There was no shortage of dead bodies in the city. Burning them was impossible; the smoke would only attract whatever Machine Emperor was in the area, so most people settled for burying them under the rubble as well as they could. A parody of a funeral.

Yet this house was completely devoid of people, alive or otherwise, and all the glass from the broken windows had been painstakingly cleaned away. On a miraculously unharmed table sat an old teddy bear. Someone had tried to make a sanctuary out of the place.

There were footsteps behind him, then a familiar voice said: "I figured you'd come here."

"ZONE?" Antinomy asked; then, with a vivid flash of realization: "You did this, didn't you?"

ZONE looked at once much older and much younger than he actually was, but most of all he just looked tired. He walked over to the table with the bear on it.

"The kids used to live here. The ones who had nowhere else to go," he said. "They were among the first victims. Never even stood a chance."

He sighed heavily. Antinomy put a tentative hand on his shoulder.

"Did you know them?"

ZONE fixed his eyes on the teddy bear. He didn't reply for several seconds, and Antinomy was about to drop the subject when he looked up again. "I had a friend who looked after them. He spent all the time he could get looking for food and toys for them. That day… I found him here in this room."

Antinomy didn't even need to ask what day ZONE meant. Poor kids.

"He died trying to protect them, and he didn't even succeed. We can never succeed. If the Machine Emperors don't get us, time will."

That made Antinomy irrationally angry. "If that's true, why did you even go on? Why did you save me?"

"Does it matter?" ZONE said. He picked up the teddy bear. "We're alive. Maybe we'll still be tomorrow, maybe not."

"So that's it then. You're just going to lie down and wait until you die," Antinomy snapped. "You're not even going to try to fight."

"What's the use? Everyone dies in the end, Antinomy. We can't beat death."

"I see." His next words were harsh, maybe too harsh, but he had to say it. "Then your friend was a fool for trying to protect those children."

ZONE turned abruptly, blue eyes narrowing in barely-concealed anger. "Don't you _dare_ talk about him like that."

"Me? I'm only repeating what you told me. It's useless for us to keep fighting, wasn't that what you said?"

They were both shouting now, their voices echoing through the small room. ZONE stepped away from him, and for a moment Antinomy thought he was going to leave, but he just started pacing around.

"You are such an idealist, aren't you? Things will get better if we just try hard enough? Is that what you're saying?"

"How do you know they won't?" Antinomy purposefully stepped into ZONE's path, blocking the way. ZONE stopped and looked up at him, eyes blazing.

"Stop being so naive, Antinomy. Have you seen this world?"

"So all those people out there who are fighting to survive are idiots," Antinomy concluded. With the anger also came a sense of betrayal. "How can you say that? You gave so many people hope, so many people who looked up to you…"

He trailed off and ZONE flinched. ZONE's real identity was something they rarely discussed. But this man had been his hero for so many years… How could he give up so easily?

"I'm not that person anymore," ZONE said. Antinomy shook his head.

"I don't believe it. You saved me, and if you can save me, it means you can save other people too."

ZONE went very still.

"You have known me for less than two months," he said at long last, each word carefully measured. "How do you know I deserve your faith?"

Antinomy took a few seconds to think it over, then finally decided: "I don't know."

The way ZONE tilted his head could mean many things. He looked up at Antinomy, eyes unreadable, but Antinomy thought he saw a flicker of uncertainty.

"I don't know," he repeated. "But I believe you do deserve it. I believe you can prove it."

ZONE turned to look through the window, a pensive look on his face. He absently toyed with the bear he was still holding. "I'll need help. It'll take time, and I can't do this alone."

"I'll help," Antinomy promised. He joined ZONE at the broken window. The breeze carried spring with it, and it would've made the city beautiful if there was any city left to speak of. He smiled tentatively at ZONE and got a hint of a smile in return. Maybe it would be beautiful again someday.

**OoOoO**

**IV. Making the most of your borrowed time**

It was the utter terror he felt in the dream that woke Bruno up, and he'd thrown off the blanket and jumped up - _Keep moving, run, hide, they'll get you, they'll kill you - _before he realized where he was.

"Bruno, are you okay? What happened?" Yusei was already half out of his chair by the time Bruno regained his bearings. Bruno took a deep breath to calm the racing of his heart.

"I'm fine, I think." The feeling of terror was slowly diminishing. "Just a nightmare. Don't worry."

He picked up the blanket he'd thrown on the ground and sat down again. Yusei shut down his computer and walked over. He passed Bruno a bottle of water and Bruno drank gratefully.

"What was it about?"

Bruno shook his head. "I don't remember, just-" _Terror, pain, despair,_ "Fear. I was really afraid. Like I could die any second."

"You're safe here," Yusei said. He sat down next to Bruno. "Nothing like that will happen here."

He's wrong, it will happen, a voice whispered in the back of his mind. Bruno tuned it out, frowning. Of course Yusei wasn't wrong. Why would he be? This was such a peaceful city.

Yet he still couldn't shake off all his doubts. He couldn't bring himself to agree with Yusei.

"It was a nightmare," he said instead. He glanced at the clock. Almost 4 AM. "You should go to bed, Yusei. Don't worry about me."

Yusei looked unconvinced. "Are you sure? I can stay here if you want."

"No, it's alright!" Bruno forced himself to smile. "Go to bed. I'm fine, I just need a moment."

Yusei gave him a long look, and Bruno let the smile drop.

"Okay, I'm not fine," he admitted. "But I will be. I just never know whether it's a dream or a memory."

"Do you think it's a memory?" Yusei asked.

"I don't know." Bruno sighed. This shouldn't be Yusei's problem. He was supposed to protect him, not make him worry about something that might not even have any meaning at all. Anyway, how could it be real? He wasn't even real himself.

And yet the emotions were so vivid, so painful, that he couldn't believe he hadn't felt them before. But where? How? Who was he really?

"Sometimes I fear what's in my past. I don't know if I actually want to find out," he confessed. "But that's not fair for you guys. I can't just keep living here because I feel like it."

Yusei jerked. "We don't want you to leave! You can stay here as long as you want!"

"Thanks." Bruno smiled slightly. He didn't know how long he'd be able to stay here, but he was planning on enjoying every second he still had.

"And no matter what's in your past, you're still you," Yusei said. "It doesn't matter. We'll still be your friends."

Leave it to Yusei to have such absolute faith in people. Bruno hoped he'd never have to lose that faith.

"We'll be friends," he agreed. No matter what, he knew he would always be Yusei's friend somehow.

**OoOoO**

**V. Turning in revolution**

When the lights hit him, so did realization: Antinomy. Anti-nomy. His name.

He mouthed the word, felt its weight heavy on his tongue. Two laws, always in conflict, always contradicting each other. His name, the one he'd forgotten. He was caught between the thesis and the antithesis, and he didn't even know which was which.

There were two sets of memories in his head now. One that encompassed more than seventy years, but wasn't really his, and the other one, only filled with a few months' worth of memories, and yet still more real.

It was almost over, though. He knew what he had to do: one last duel, with just him and Clear Mind, and always, somehow, Yusei. It would be very easy to take him out now, and let the Ark Cradle fell on Neo Domino City. It would change the future. It would make sure that horrible future he'd lived in never came to pass.

But there was another way. He'd seen Yusei do the impossible, and even though ZONE had already given up hope for this world, he hadn't. If Yusei could learn… If he could achieve the next stage, he could save ZONE and himself and everyone else. It'd only take one sacrifice.

Antinomy made his choice. All in all, it wasn't even that hard. He shrugged off Yusei's help and got up.

"I remember… I remember everything."

Only one sacrifice, and they'd all be fine. After all, there would never be another use for a man with a torn mind and a broken soul.

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_All the titles for the different scenes are lines from Vienna Teng songs. In order:_

_I: Transcontinental, 1:30 A.M._

_II: Eric's Song_

_III: Antebellum_

_IV: White Light_

_V: Gravity_

_It goes without saying that I don't own any of those songs._

_Comments, concrit and questions very welcome!  
_


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